News Headlines: Friday, April 1st 2015
Driverless Manual Wheelchair Invented Disability Now
Are you unable to self-propel your manual wheelchair? Have you ever wished that your manual wheelchair could propel itself? Well, now it can, because sensitive technology students at the University of Nottingham have invented the driverless manual wheelchair. These chairs will have tiny microchips attached to one of their wheels, and will move themselves as soon as anyone sits in them. Parents whose disabled children have siblings are advised not to leave these siblings alone with driverless manual wheelchairs- just in case they decide to take a ride at an inconvenient time!
Chocolate Fingers- With A Difference Able Magazine
We’ve all heard of Cadbury’s chocolate finger biscuits. But now the inventors of chocolate eyeballs, ears, noses and lips have invented chocolate pieces shaped like fingers. These sweet treats, when eaten once a day, are said to restore finger function to people who have lost the use of their hands through an acquired disability. Sadly, they are not thought to work for people who have lacked the use of their hands since birth.
Carrots Cure Cerebral Palsy- Bobath News
Dear parents and patients, we have recently discovered a miraculous cure for Cerebral Palsy. Carrots. Eating a carrot a day for six months will permanently keep disability away for your child. We invite you to join us at the Centre from midday on Friday, April 1st when we will hold a closing down lunch made up of carrot soup, carrot pie and carrot cake. We will then provide each family with a year’s free supply of carrots before we all retire from physiotherapy. But never fear, we will still spend the rest of our lives treating Cerebral Palsy- by growing and selling our own carrots.
Wheelchair Shaped Carrots To Go On Sale Tesco Magazine
A mother recently cut a carrot into the shape of a wheelchair in an effort to get her disabled child to eat it. The child’s father was so impressed that he Tweeted us a photo of her creation, which we have asked to sell. From midnight on Friday, April 1st, you will be able to buy wheelchair shaped carrots at your local Tesco store. If these are a hit, we may ask her to create carrots shaped like other pieces of disability equipment by this time next year, following recent reports that eating carrots can cure some disabilities.
Respected Disability Blog, Same Difference, Goes Offline
Respected disability blog, Same Difference, today carries reports that it is to go offline from midnight on Saturday, April 2nd. Editor Samedifference1 reports that after hearing recent reports that carrots cure her disability, Cerebral Palsy, her parents refuse to allow her to eat anything else. In 2017, she plans to go to Treloar college to learn to grow her own carrots. First, however, she plans to spend the rest of 2016 supporting Donald Trump’s campaign to become the next President of the United States of America.