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An Open Letter To My Disability

July 26, 2011

Dear Disability

You’ve been with me since birth. You’ve known me longer than I’ve known you. You knew me before I had a memory. Before I talked, before I walked. You knew me before anyone or anything else I’ve ever known.

You’ve caused me pain and tears. You’ve made me scream and shout and sob. You’ve been the reason for hospital stays and displays to students of all sorts of therapy.

You were with me in the new school, when I left all my old friends behind and entered a strange new world. A world where I knew no one- except you. I was called names, I was left out of children’s games. You made me feel different, and I didn’t want you there. Yet there you were, with me through it all.

You were with me when the teachers followed me through the new schools. When the children left me alone because they were scared of them- and you.

You were with me during every exam, even when I was alone in a room with only a computer for company. A computer, a teacher, and you. Pass or fail, you never, ever left.

At times I wondered what would happen if you left me. At times I wanted you to leave me. To go away, to get lost, to never come back.

You’ve stolen my best friends. You’ve stolen my hopes and dreams. This should have made me hate you- but here’s the surprising thing.

You also led me to my best friends. To the ones I can share anything and everything with. To the ones who truly understand me and who I truly understand. You are the reason why I know everyone and everything that really matters to me.

You are the reason for all my interests, all my pleasures, all my joys.  You are the biggest, the most important, and, I now realise, the best part of me.

You are with me when I am alone in an empty room. You are even with me in my sleep!

I don’t know where, what or who I would be if you were not with me. And now I know that I don’t want to know- because you are with me, you have always been with me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. *Stargazer permalink
    July 26, 2011 2:16 pm

    Hello SameDifference1, Thank You For This Post.
    I was completely absorbed as I read “An Open Letter To My Disability”.
    Then moved to tears as I realised you were (in part at the end, where you say how it has led you to the precious people in your life), speaking for me too.
    My disability has, eventually, after many years in the wilderness, led to the amazing people I share my life with now!

    My disability has come about from inherited degenerative disease going undiagnosed and unchecked – I was once fit and healthy. In sharing your letter, you just pointed out to me the silver lining. The difference between us is you have been affected since birth.
    Your perspective has eloquently spiked my need to confront and accept my disablity, instead of despising it and my almost completely useless body.
    It’s been very welcome.

    THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING!

  2. samedifference1 permalink*
    July 26, 2011 3:50 pm

    Hi Stargazer,

    This comment has made me so happy. Thank you for being such a loyal, interested and active reader!

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