BREAKING NEWS: Saturday, April 1st 2017
Garlic Cures Cerebral Palsy Bobath News
Dear parents and patients, we write to inform you that one of our adult patients has, this year, discovered a miraculous cure for Cerebral Palsy- garlic. A taxi driver informed her one weekend that eating garlic might be ‘good for her legs.’ At the time, she thought this was more than a little insensitive. However, to please her parents, she decided to try eating a piece of garlic every day for a year. One year later, she finds herself completely cured of Cerebral Palsy. She will be giving a speech at our closing down lunch, to be held at the Centre at midday on Saturday, April 1st, about the benefits of taking the well-meaning advice of disablist strangers seriously. She will then be supporting every member of our staff as they hand out two years’ free supply of garlic to every single patient we have ever treated in our 40-year history. Since Easter is fast approaching, we have decided to invite along any of our patients’ younger siblings, who we will be presenting with garlic-chocolate flavoured Easter eggs.
We will then be holding a joint retirement party for every single member of our staff as, from Monday, April 3rd, we will all officially retire from physiotherapy. Younger staff members are planning to retrain as teachers so that they can teach children with Cerebral Palsy how to grow garlic and create and sell garlic flavoured chocolate.
What about the patient who discovered this miraculous cure? She is currently a well-known Disability Rights campaigner and journalist running a rather successful disability blog known as Same Difference. Today, Same Difference carries reports that it is to close down at midnight on Saturday, April 1st. Since its editor is no longer disabled, she feels that she has now lost any right to write about disability issues. She reports that all her professional dreams have, however, come true as George Osborne MP has offered her a job at the Evening Standard. She plans to live on garlic sandwiches, garlic tea and garlic chocolate for the rest of her life, and hopes the other staff will be able to handle the smell of her lunch!